Persuasive & Transactional Writing

I dont think young people spend too much time on there phones.No headline, no subheading - key article conventions are missing entirely. Phones are good because you can talk to people and play games.Everyone uses phones not just young people.No development of the point. Why does being able to 'talk to people' mean they don't spend too much time on phones?

I think its unfair to say young people are on there phones too much because adults are on them too.An assertion without any supporting evidence. The piece reads as a series of opinions rather than a structured argument. My mum is always on her phone.So I dont think its just a young people problem.Anecdotal evidence that is too informal for the task. A broadsheet article requires statistics, research, or expert opinion.

Phones are part of life now and people should just accept it.Abrupt ending with no conclusion, call to action, or memorable closing. The piece simply stops.

How many of you have ever volunteered? And I don't mean being forced to pick up litter on a school trip. I mean genuinely choosing to help someone.Good direct address that engages the audience. The rhetorical question is effective.

I believe volunteering should be part of the curriculum because it teaches us things that lessons cannot. When you volunteer, youmeet people from different backgrounds, develop empathy, and learn practical skills that employers valueGood use of a list, though the points could be developed more. Each item is stated rather than explored..

Last year I helped at a soup kitchen. It was hard work but it changed how I think about homelessness.Personal experience used well, though the detail could be more specific. 'A soup kitchen' is less vivid than naming a person or place. Before, I used to walk past people without thinking. Now I understand that anyone can end up in that situation.

I know some of you will say you don't have time. But it would only be a few hours a week, and the benefits far outweigh the cost.Counter-argument acknowledged but the rebuttal could be stronger. 'Only a few hours a week' is vague. So I urge you to think about it seriously. You might surprise yourself.